Winter break or break Mommy? Is it over yet?

I would be remiss if at the opening of this blog, I did not admit to you the truth. The shameful, awful truth about the kind of person, the kind of MOTHER I really am... for it is a disorder I live with each and every day. I struggle... it is hard- but here goes nothing, I have...

Overprotective( bordering on helicoptering) Mommy Syndrome.

LOOK AWAY! Ohhhhhh the horror!

It isn't just telling the kids not to play near the street- it's refusing to let anyone else babysit them pretty much EVER because you don't trust that they'll be taken care of the right way. You trust your friends and family, but just can't get the thought out of your head. Damn if I don't need a night out- but it's like leaving the house without a limb. Or both limbs. And legs.

Don't judge me. I know it's completely and utterly ridiculous. We all need our "me" time. Half of my brain knows this, and the other half of my brain is a batshit crazy overprotective worrying spaz. They tend to fight a lot over how to feel about certain things, and never once am I sure of which side is going to come out victorious. I usually put my money on batshit. Batshit is strong.

All throughout the summer I panicked about Holden going to school for the first time. 6.5 long hours without me every weekday?
But... but... I've never really been away from him in 5 whole years! He is my miniature best friend! He's never really been around other people for prolonged periods of time. He's not used to a classroom setting or being told what to do and what if he freaks out and loses his shit or craps his pants or smartmouths the teacher??
The panic was strong- but most of the panic came from the fact that I knew I would miss him. I would miss him, but he NEEDED to go to school, because as much as I loved spending so much time with him- he was starting to make my batshit crazy double batshit crazy. The world has never known a level of batshit as strong as that. How many times can I write the word batshit in one blog? Am I going for the record? BATSHIT!

Sorry about that- where was I? Oh, right... So yeah- I was really nervous about not having this person with me who had been by my side every single day for 5 years straight. That whole overprotective worry wart helicopter mommy disorder took over big time.

This is one of those situations where you really don't want to admit you're wrong just for the sake of being right all the time, but you hoped you were wrong because you knew being wrong was for the best- but you still didn't want to be wrong because being wrong sucks no matter how good it is...
Are you following me?
I was WRONG. Holden going to school turned out to be a pretty good thing. Not just for him, but for me and Parker as well.

What I hadn't realized was what a dominating force Holden was in this house. Over everything. Like a miniature dictator. While he was away at school, I could really focus on Parker and teaching him- giving him a chance to thrive without Holden bossing him around every second of every day. And I also noticed that I didn't have as many headaches as I did at the end of the day when both kids were running amok without a break. Holden loved school, Parker loved the quiet learning time- and absence seemed to make the heart grow fonder on all counts. Win win win! It doesn't get better than that!

I got so used to this new, slightly more peaceful routine, that when I heard winter break was coming up on us and Holden had a full 10 school days off- I said YAY! More time with Holden! I've missed him! Now it can be like it used to be- the 3 Musketeers back in action!
And then I remembered that what used to be drove me absolutely freaking insane- and it scared the bejeezus out of me.
BUT- he'd been in school for over 3 months now and was doing so well and was FAR less whiny than he used to be... at least.... for the fewer hours each day I was spending with him than previously. All of that time in the classroom learning to follow rules and be quiet and to listen- that must have had a positive affect on the kid, right? It isn't like I was getting calls home every day telling me what a gigantic gaping a-hole he was... actually quite the opposite.

After having many conversations in my head about how winter break would go down (which I'm sure if these conversations were witnessed by anyone outside of this house, I'd look even more BATSHIT than usual. Hey! I did it again!) I suddenly realized I had done a complete snowjob on myself. That became apparent within the first five minutes of the day.

Within ten minutes, the children running in circles screaming around the downstairs and the couch completely covered in library books- I was ready to storm the schoolboard and demand higher pay for teachers.
I mean, holy shitballs y'all, I just had two here in the house. I don't know how they do it... unless the trick is to just go ahead and accept fate and lose your damn mind and give in to the loud, obnoxious insanity.

I love my kids. LOVE THEM. To the end of the world and back- but for fucks sake... Holden belongs in school during the weekday hours of 8am-3pm.

Please do not take this moment to remind me that next up is Summer break. I am choosing to live in complete ignorant bliss. Thank you very much.

Also... I think my syndrome has partially been cured. But only partially. Okay... maybe not at all. Damnit.