An open letter to a friend

Dear friend,

I know right now it feels like your world is caving in on top of you and that there is no way out, but i'm here to tell you there is.

You are a good person, to your core, who is loved and loves openly in return, and I know at times that has gotten you hurt and makes you question ever opening yourself up again, ever taking chances on anything uncertain in result- I understand.

I would love to take the pain away, to make it easier for you to move past it, to show you that things will be ok, but I can't. I would love to convince you not to beat yourself up over what has happened, but I know that you will, and that you will try time and time again to find a way to blame yourself- because that is how open and caring you are to everyone around you, no matter what. Always trying to take it all upon yourself. I would love not to fill you full of cliched overused lines, but you really WILL be stronger at the end of this, and it will not kill you. Good things really DO come to those who wait (and especially those who fight for it), and this too SHALL pass.

When it feels like there is a GIGANTIC man sitting on your chest who just won't get off and let you breathe in deeply and EXHALE, really exhale, - words don't mean a whole hell of a lot. They can't mend a heart, or wipe away tears, and sometimes the truth can be hard to hear. When we're falling apart inside, we don't want to hear any words other than the ones that tumble around inside of our heads.
This is it. I can't do this. It's over. I can't take it. I can't make it through this
And the last thing you want someone to say to you is STOP. Just stop.
You want to wallow, you want to feel like it's all really over, but to feel better all at the same time. I've been there. I've felt that. I've wanted to smack the hell out of anyone who bugged me about how I was feeling or how I was doing or asked me if I wanted to talk.
Looking back, I realize the ones who asked, the ones who bugged and annoyed me were the ones who actually cared.

What I wanted was an instant 'cure' to all the crap I was feeling. I wanted it to go away. I wanted it NEVER to have happened, but being realistic, none of that can happen.
We can't go back, we can't change the past, and we can't just unbreak what has been broken. And I know it's going to make you want to smack me for telling you that the "cure" is time. Time and perseverance. And I know you don't want to wait, you don't want to push, you don't want to be strong. Maybe because you don't think you can be, or you don't think you have it left in you, or you think that you've finally used the last of all the strength you once had- but that's not true.

You shouldn't have to go through this. I agree it isn't fair. It's not right, and it seems like karma seriously got her wires crossed along the way, but it is what it is as much as we don't want it to be and now it's time to push forward like I know you can. I know this, because I know you.

One thing, no matter how big, how devastating, how small, how painful- will NOT keep you down, because you have more to live for than that. More to get, more to give, more to see, more to feel, more to do. And you deserve ALL of those things. Even if things get bad, ugly, terrible, they make the things that aren't bad ugly or terrible that much more fantastic and amazing. And trust me, I know that isn't what you want to hear- and i'm sorry. I don't feel sorry for you, but I am sorry.

Even with all this crap that I said that I wish I could do for you, there are a few things I won't.
I won't tell you to suck it up or get over it, I won't tell you to shut up or that i'm tired of listening to it. I won't tell you to move on or let it go or really anything else obnoxious, because I believe in getting it out. As long as that out may take, it needs to get out, because keeping it in does a hell of a lot more harm than good. You might maim someone with a plastic utensil, and that wouldn't end well for anyone.

So feel it. Throw things, or don't throw things- try not to throw things at people. Yell, scream, text message furiously, e-mail, call. I will be here. And you WILL be ok. Even if it takes a while, you will be.