It's not the 4-letter words that'll get you

All these years of being a parent, the majority of folks out there have handed out the same advice. Maybe not always in the same exact words, or the phrasing was different, but the message was always the same: DON'T CURSE IN FRONT OF YOUR KIDS!

Do you want to be like the Osbournes?
Do you want your kids to disrespect you?
Do you REALLY want to get a call home from school with a pissed off teacher telling you that your kid has a dirty pirate hooker mouth?

And my answer to all of these questions was always the same: Well, DUH, No! Although.. I didn't necessarily agree that stopping the 4-letter bombs in front of the kids was necessarily the right way to go about not producing potty-mouthed children.
I know for myself growing up, it was the non-use of curse words in my presence that made me the one having all the neighborhood kids chant "ASS-HOLE" at the tops of their lungs. Let me tell you how pleased the parents were with me that day.

Now- of course I DID cut back on my usage of any word that may be deemed inappropriate- constantly using strings of curse words in front of toddlers just didn't seem like the classiest thing to be doing- but there are some things that just DESERVE a fuck.
Stubbing my toe? Definite FUCK
Spill a full beverage? - that one might get a SHIT
Piss on the floor? DAMNIT!!!

Old habits die hard. I've tried replacing these words with G rated ones. Oh FUDGE! SNAP! Dangit! But in the heat of the moment, that SNAP just doesn't come rolling off of my tongue as easily. SHIT just has such a nice ring to it, don't you think?

So yes, FOR SHAME, there has been plenty of curse word exposure. And while for the most part, I try to make it not such a huge deal with one goes flying- occasionally there is repeatage.
That one unfortunate incident where Holden told another kid he was "being a dick"? That was pretty embarrassing. The few "DAMNITS!" i've heard ring out in the house when a toy just wouldn't manipulate the way he wanted? Those were slightly frustrating.
After drilling it into his head (aka, striking the fear of god into him)- now instead of letting these words slip, I might catch him about to let a word of the 4-letter variety slip, but stopping one letter in.

"WHAT was that you were about to say??"
"..... nothing..."

Well played, sir. Well played.

But it would seem that in all of my work to raise a proper and polite child (snort), there are a few things I overlooked.
All this time spent concentrating on keeping my mouth cleaner, and in turn Holden from calling another kid a DICK again... and I forgot about words that may not, to the general public, be as taboo (or taboo at all) to be spoken by anyone under the age of 18 ( or 16?? when the fuck IS it considered acceptable to curse??)- but when spoken with the right gusto, the right amount of childhood... dickheadedness... can be WORSE than any curse word or variation you could dream up in your filthy little mind.
Who would have thought- it's not the words consisting of four letters that are the banes of my existence- it's the ones with THREE.

Now, plug your ears and turn your eyes away kiddies- because i'm about to offend you the way my 4.5 year old offends me.
With a good old fashioned DUH!

Yes, my penchant for keeping my vernacular straight out of the early 90s has come back to haunt me- because now I have a small child who corrects everything idiot I might say with "DUH!"
It is the single most infuriating word known to man. It's a Bart Simpson word, and everyone knows Bart Simpson is a fucking prick. It doesn't make other random passerbys laugh like it would if they heard this tiny little blond headed child yell "OH SHIT!" in the middle of a crowded grocery store- instead you get those 'down the nose' kinds of looks, like "ugh, what a BRAT"
Not that i'd be able to argue that point, because it really IS a bratty thing to say.

That combined with my cutesy teasing of his gigantic rear end as a "FAT tushie" coming back to haunt me in not-so-nice ways (and not directed at me, which actually makes it worse) and picking up on the main scolding word for the new puppy "BAD"- and i'm in 3-letter hell.

Was there ever a day where you actually said aloud "I'd rather my kid be dropping F-bombs and calling people dicks than this!" ???
Today is that day for me.